precognise, recognise

precognise, recognise

Caution, thrown to the wind. Cares, worries… who needs them? I know what's going to happen. I know exactly what's going to happen; I know everything before it takes place.

I know.

You want to know how I know? Let me tell you. Even if you don't want to know, I'll tell you. Because I need to tell someone.

I have a… gift. A gift that's worth everything and nothing, a gift that everyone wants but… I can't live with it.

The gift of precognition. I can see into the future. I can tell you about your life, who you're going to marry, how many kids you're going to have, I can tell you anything and everything you want.

I can tell you how you're going to die. What's the final chapter in your life, in your story. How, where, at what age, hell, you ask me and I'll tell you how many people will be at your funeral.

But, even with my gift, even though I know every little thing that's going to happen… I don't know what's going to happen to me. I need to know. What's my story's ending? How am I going to die?

Sometimes I think about it. I try and concentrate on my death. Morbid thoughts, something that I'd rather not think about, but it would be wonderful to know when you die, exactly how many years you're going to be on this planet we call earth.

I never get far. I think, think, think, think until my head hurts and I can't stand. Think. Think, concentrate, see, look…

I see…

White. I see…

Gray. I see…

Black.

I feel… cold. Wind.

And…

Nothing else. It frustrates me that I can only glimpse into my own future, that I can't see for myself what I do for others. Frustration. Confusion. Why can't I see my ending?

What do I have to do to see where I will end? Will you tell me?

Who can tell me how I will die?

I'm disturbed. Dark, twisted, disturbed. Lost. I can see the future… just not mine.

I don't know what'll happen to me… unless…

Unless I make my own future. Unless I take matters into my own hands. I can control my destiny, you know. Even if I can't see it. I can control what will happen, I can do what I want and know exactly what the result is.

Maybe that's why I'm at the top of a building. Maybe that's why I'm looking down, maybe that's why I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing up here and I'm thinking that maybe this is just stupid, by maybe… I just need to know, for once, what's going to happen.

Maybe I just think it's useless. What's life? What's death? Nothing. Things that no one knows. Secrets told to no one. It's all the same to me. All. The. Same. Death, life, living, dying. Nothing, nothing. All the same.

Maybe it's just all over.

I'm standing up there. I'm standing and I'm looking down, I'm standing and realizing just how far down it actually is. I'm afraid of heights…

Fear. Another thing no one understands. Why should I be afraid?

All the same. Life, death, fear.

Do I really want to know?

Knowledge. Life, death, fear, knowledge. All the same.

Jump.