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"Don't ask yourself what you just did; ask yourself what you're about to do."

You know, once you've done something, you can't take it back. No regrets. You can't regret because regretting isn't exactly going to take you anywhere. You can't change the past, just as you can't rewrite history.


There'll always be that little pang of guilt when you do something you obviously know is wrong. That'll always be there because you know better than to do it, but you do it anyway.

Since you knew it was wrong, since you knew that it wasn't allowed, but you went ahead with it anyway, you're not supposed to regret whatever it is you've done.

What have I done?

You can ask yourself that question a million times. After you broke the window, after you stole the money, after you hurt yourself. What. Have. I. Done?

Question. Answer. You've done what you've done.

Could you have stopped yourself?


You could have just as easily stopped yourself by asking a different question, this one before rather than after, this one a bit harder.

What am I about to do?

I'm about to… do something wrong. About to act in frustration and anger. About to ruin things without thinking before reacting. About to hurt someone.

One thing leads to another.

If you think before you act, look before you leap and all that jazz, a lot of things can be avoided. A lot of harm, a lot of grief can be avoided. But it takes too long, doesn't it? To sit down and think rationally. Instinct just tells you to do something and it's oh-so-easy to follow it, because, it's natural. It's more natural to do the first thing that pops into your mind rather than wait and think because emotions don't wait for you to think before you feel them.

Emotions. You cry when you're sad and laugh when you're happy. You don't think before you smile; it's a natural reaction.

You feel angry when you're hurt. When someone is rude to you.

If you reply back, you might say something you really shouldn't say.

What have I done?

If you think before you do anything and then decide to ignore whatever it is that made you angry, be it a snide comment or the plain sorry state of affairs around you, you might just avoid that. You might avoid hurting someone else, and you might avoid that regret.

What am I about to do?

You have the blade in your hand, and you have the choice, if you want to go ahead and run it across your wrist or if you want to put it away and forget about it.

You could go ahead and just cut yourself. Gain that satisfaction that you're hurting others by hurting yourself. Now maybe they'll notice… Gain that guilty conscience when you find people staring at you like you're some dangerous animal. When you find pity in their eyes instead of sympathy.

What have I done?

You could choose… not to. You could choose to put the knife down, put it away, go do something else instead.

What am I about to do?

You're about to make your life a living hell.

Conflicting emotions, thoughts and feelings.

There will always be a what-if. There will always be a maybe.

Some things can be avoided.

But some things… you're just going to have to live with. Some things you're not going to be able to take back and some things you're just not going to be able to control.

Don't regret. What's done is done.

But sometimes it's just so much harder to think what to do instead.



© Marziya Mohammedali, 2001-2013